Ugly Locks and Stretch Marks

So it's 5:33 am as I am beginning to write this. I've been up most of the night.
I take naps with my son during the day because he sleeps lightly then, and if I try to do stuff while he is napping he wakes up. Night time is the only time when he is asleep and I can surf the web and read and plan things.
Tonight, I did a little research on Zumba and some basic exercises that I'm going to try to start doing and I just did some general looking around pinterest.

So for now I just wanted to make a quick post about how difficult it is as a new mom to do anything. Especially my hair.
I take baths with my baby because it's easier, and honestly the only way to ensure that I actually get clean as well. I can sneak to shower when he's asleep in the morning, but why? I want to sleep then too.
If I take a shower any other time of day, like while his dad watches him, he just seems to get upset at some point and I'm rushed when I get out to dry off and get dressed. And getting dressed while you are semi wet is awful!!!
Of course, it has been a while since I have tried to leave him with someone while I shower, so things may have changed but it's doubtful.
But back to the main point, throughout my pregnancy my hair got pretty long but I hated the color and my ends were bad..... looking back in retrospect I should have just trimmed it because it was kinda nice from the pics I see, but I still wanted something else, so I got a semi short hair cut, a bob...a couple of weeks before he came and I loved it. Although short hair does require more attention from me. And I knew this....but I didn't seem to understand that I would really have absolutely NO free time once he came.
When it's long I can braid it, put it up, throw mousse in it when it's wet and wear it curly...but shorter is a little more difficult. I don't know why I thought it would be easier......ugh
and now I hate it.
I've worn it in half pony tails for the last few days and it's at that awards length, so half of it always falls out.
And they always tell you you're going to lose hair after baby and it literally took three months before that started from me, But I have been losing SO much hair the last few days.
And what drives me crazy more than anything is all the little hairs that get everywhere....mostly all over Luke.


He constantly has my hair in his hands...a strand here or there....it'll be in his neck rolls. (haha, he's chunky) and I've found a few in his diaper.
I check often because it worries me, so I know it shouldn't happen, but I'm worried about a hair getting wrapped around something and cutting off circulation. Like a finger or his private areas....I say this because I know someone who it happened to. (and that's probably why I'm so paranoid by it)
And I check him constantly and he always has a hair somewhere on his body....ugh
I do hair so I shouldn't be bothered by it....maybe...I just find it rather disgusting.

anyway!! I'll stop ranting about it....it just makes me crazy. I swear if my hair was long I would braid it after washing it and keep it in a braid until I shower again.
Until we get to a spot where things are a little bit better(easier)...and they do get better every day....I would just rather not deal with this mop.

I want something new, but I'm just thinking I'll keep waiting until later. I've never really waited much, when it comes to my hair. If I get the idea I want something new I usually change my hair in a day or two...so here's to growing it out and not coloring it for a while....even though I only colored it once while pregnant. Once in a year is a huge difference for me. lol.
I don't know if I'll stick to this, but maybe I'll ponder not changing my hair until I'm into a good workout routine and I can see a difference in my body.

I immediately lost an amazing bit of weight after I had the baby and I felt good about my body. But only for about a week. I hate how my stomach looks....the stretch marks more than anything bothered me for the last 3 months but now they are finally fading into my skin color and aren't so red or purple anymore.

I didn't have unrealistic expectations with having a baby. I knew my body wouldn't look amazing, and I knew I would have stretch marks....but it has affected me way worse than I thought it would.
After Luke was born my stomach felt so strange. It was like an alien. And after you have a baby, while in the hospital, a couple of times each day, they come in and bury their hand in your tummy to move stuff around and feel to make sure everything is going back where it should, and it is the most god awful thing ever. It's uncomfortable but more than that...if it hasn't ever happened to you...when it does...don't look. It looks so bad.  Their hand is pushing down on your tummy and your skin is just all around it like it's swallowing their arm...and they are...like churning butter with your tummy or something...its disgusting.
This really messed me up. I didn't touch my stomach at ALL for at least 5 weeks after he was born.
I let water run over it in the shower and I think maybe one or twice I washed over it lightly with a rag but it felt so weird I just couldn't. I don't know what I expected but it felt so strange. And I hated looking at it in the mirror.
I had a small bit of belly and it was still semi firm for a couple of weeks...you kinda look like you're pregnant in the early weeks...but after that changed I know have that weird saggy bit. And it's really not that bad on me.
I've seen SO many people who really do have it bad. But it bothers me. I was going to wear girdles and stuff after I had him. I read so much while I was pregnant about the benefits and how most women in other countries do wrap their tummies after having a baby. But mine felt so weird to me that I just couldn't do it.
I did wear tight....well maybe not tight, but fitted pants and underwear...and the pants that have a belly band for a long time after having the baby. That helped keep it firm, but I didn't do it the way I planned to.

**I'm totally fine with touching it now and it's been three months since he was born.
Three months sounds like a long time but it really goes by super quick!!

Anyway I guess I'll go now. So much for a short post.
Did I mention I hate my hair right now? Ugh....totally hate it!!
Hopefully when I come back and write more I will have attempted to do some working out.

Goals to be a hot mom!!!!

Labor story part 2

So with my last post I wrote about all the preparations and the setup for sweet Luke's arrival and now I'm going to attempt to write my experience. It's difficult to remember everything because I was in labor for almost a full 24 hours and when you go through that much pain, you don't remember the small stuff. 


I didn't sleep the night before at all, this is daddy when I woke him up to go to the hospital.
I took a nice bath before I woke him, made sure I had our bags packed and some snacks for darling hubby. 

This was daddy before heading out to the hospital. He only had 2-3 hours of sleep and usually he is a super slow poke about getting ready and getting up but he pretty much got up right away.

Upon arriving at hospital my mother, sister, grandma, and aunt were there. 

Below is Mom with us checking in. That belly was BIG.

Darling Grandma waiting to be a great grandma

Andre's eyes are closed but its as cute as it can be.

See...I could only wear bedroom shoes...and just barely.

(They do say Tootsie Roll, haha.)

It took forever...it was like we didn't have an appointment, and the girl misspelled my last we name on paperwork

so we had to wait for her to reprint before being sent upstairs.

All I ate before was some sausage from McDonald's, which I regretted later.

Not because it was McDee's but because I should have eaten more.

My nerves were shot though and my stomach was borderline upset.

This was the room and it only show about half of it. The hospital I delivered at is smaller than most but it has a few really nice delivery suites.

You can only have 4 people in the room with you so my aunt wasn't going to stay but the nurses were very lax and they allowed more people to be in before everything got serious. When it came down to baby time, they reinforced the 4 people only. And those people had to sign a form.

My family went outside to grab bags and get their breakfast and Andre and I prayed and I changed into the hospital gown. 

This was when it got started and they started strapping me up.

Baby heart monitor, contraction monster, and blood pressure cuff that went off every 5 minutes.

So they assured my I wouldn't have to be strapped down the whole time but they had to see how baby would react to the pitocin.

Parent's selfie...waiting to become parents, and still happy.

I had to pee often and I was able to get up for a little while but every single time I had to unhook all the cords from the computer and push myself with the iv monitor to the bathroom. I was still modest this early on and I would struggle to hold all my cords and make sure the back of the gown wasn't opening to show my family my booty.

It was also a small thing that stressed me out. I hated the struggle of unplugging all the cords to go to the bathroom.

Anyway, we started pitocin and depending on how my body reacted they would slowly increase the amount every 15 minutes.

Contractions started very soon and they were very minor. They just felt like period cramps. Nothing too serious. My family would catch a glimpse of the computer and look at me, worried, because they looked intense....but boy they had no idea what was coming. haha

After a couple of hours, a nurse came in to explain what would go down when I got ready to push, how I would do it and who would be in the room and different risks...all the basics.

She also was closely monitoring my contractions because during contractions, your baby's heart rate slows down a little bit but after the contraction ends its suppose to go back to normal, and Luke's would take a while to come back up.

The first time they came in, I was absolutely terrified. I wasn't hurting very much. I was comfortable and I didn't think anything should be wrong with him, but it appeared to be different. My nurse ran in the room and jabbed me in the arm with a needle to make the contractions stop immediately because Luke wasn't reacting well, she told me she would be right back and she left. She was in the middle of doing a c-section for a girl and was worried we were going to be sent right behind them.

So they gave me oxygen and turned down the pitocin. It really upset me. She gave me the speech about us having to go have an emergency c-section if things didn't start happening the way they were suppose to with Luke. They didn't want too much distress on him because Labor is hard for mom and baby and the baby has to make it through delivery too!

After a while they turned back on the pitocin. And things went well.

A few times I know the nurse came in and turned it up and it hadn't been fifteen minutes.

I think this was a real problem.

Pitocin makes your body contract and I think they were pushing my body too hard. It seemed like they were in a real rush to get the baby out but at the same time, these were the people who told me in birthing classes that labor takes a long time with first babies and sometimes you just have to be patient.

I was prepared to be patient and I didn't feel like they were.

So with my oxygen mask on, I laid down and cried a little bit. It was all quite stressful.

Little did I know, I was going to be crying on and off all day. My emotions really got the better of me.

I really didn't like the oxygen mask, I felt like it was keeping me from breathing and not helping.

For a while they kept trying to get me to lay own my sides too, thinking that would help move baby down and also he was showing signs on the monitor that he didn't like something so they were trying to help.

I was super uncomfortable and just wanted to get up SO bad.

took a moment to make daddy smile with me, trying to be positive.

They made me flip over because nothing was changing with his heart rate. and this is Andre singing to my bottom. Luke always responded to Andre's voice and he loved when he would sing so we were trying to sing him down, plus my lower back was hurting pretty bad so he was putting a little pressure on it for me.

I was SOOOO thirsty and they wouldn't let me drink, they let me slowly sip on ice water. That sucked.

I had music playing over speakers for a while but I got irritated so eventually I put in headphones and the only thing that felt comfortable was to have a wet rag on my face so I looked like this for a while.

While I was pregnant I read that if you take two tennis balls and tie them close together in panty hose, its an effective way to massage your back during labor or then end of pregnancy and you can also squeeze them. In the last few weeks, Andre did rub them on my lower back and it was good. I didn't use those for that purpose while in labor I just held onto them forever. I needed Andre on my back, the rag on my face and to hold onto those tennis balls!!

Idk what it did, but it helped...and hey, whatever works for you! DO.

I guess at this point I was starting to feel bad. My mom was rubbing my back and below Im not sure what was up but I look like he said something really dumb to me.

There's a super lapse in my photos because the pain started soon and it was intense.

I still hadn't dilated much nor had my effacement changed, it was going slow and Luke's heart was still acting funny.

So they decided it would be more accurate to do an internal monitor for Luke. They had to break my water for it. They inserted a probe that had a tiny needle that would sit right on top of his head in his scalp and accurately monitor his heart rate and they wanted an internal contraction monitor too. That one had to go inside and over his head and onto his chest. They couldn't get it in for a while because my water just seeped when they first broke it. They couldn't get it broken very well. 

After a couple of tries and times where they checked me, the water finally broke for good. I just felt a LOT of water gush out.

I was able to take off the crappy monitors that were on my belly at this point and all I had to deal with now was the blood pressure cord. I think I went to the bathroom once or twice with the probes inside and between walking back and forth it came out once and had to be reinserted. It wasn't a big deal at all and I didn't feel them break my water or the probe going inside either.

I was starting to swell up a lot everywhere from being hooked up to the fluids and I'm not sure when exactly but I was threatened 5 different times to be prepped for emergency c section.

I wanted a vaginal birth but I never argued with them.

My nurse was very determined to get me the birth i wanted. She slowed down the medicine a few times and helped readjust my body to make the baby happy. And it seemed like the midwife would have sent me off to c-section but the nurse convinced her to wait one more hour....and then a little bit of progress would have occurred, wether is was Luke's heart was fine for an hour, or I dilated a little bit more, or I effaced more..she just kept giving me one more hour, one more hour.

They told me that if nothing changed then at 11pm we would turn off pitocin, give me something to sleep, and just start again in the morning.

I couldn't get up anymore because the contractions started being SO bad. The pitocin made my contractions as strong as they should be if I were at a nine or ten to push...but I wasn't so it was very distressing on me and Luke.

I kinda forgot that I had the option to take medications and I started hurting really bad.

I remember feeling the contractions start out and they would build and be SO strong and linger for a second and hurt so bad and then they would start going away but even when it went away or back down they still hurt bad, just not as bad as they did when they peaked. 

It was very good for me to just live in the moment...as it was building I just thought about it going away and me getting a few minutes to breath and then when I wasn't having one I just relaxed.

It was so hard. I was contracting fast and it wasn't time for me to be contracting like that.

After a while they offered me a medication that would take the edge off, I'd still hurt but it wouldn't be as bad and I would be able to sleep a little with it. 

My mom told me I shouldn't get it but it was one of the minor ones so we went with it anyway.

This medication is the reason why I can't remember everything perfectly. It made me SO loopy.

I remember everything but it was like I was dazed or in a dream. I've never been high, but I'm pretty sure what I was feeling is probably what it feels like.

Another thing that helped me get through the pain was talking out loud or talking through the contractions. I never expected to yell or anything and I didnt...usually if I'm in pain I'm quiet, but I kinda moaned through them. I was say "ohhhhhhh...its..here...it hurts so bad" and I wouldn't take breath or a break I'd kinda sing it. As they got stronger and started hurting more I kinda remember whimpering and whining.

I never cursed and I was so worried that I would. haha

I prayed a lot.

My family was rubbing my arms and back and legs and I didnt think I would want to be touched but it was SO comforting to have them doing it. If someone stopped I immediately noticed.

My aunt watched the monitor and remind me to breath when contractions would come on and I wouldn't. I was quite stubborn, but the singing thing is what worked for me. I took a deep breathe before and after. but even still I needed for her to talk to me and encourage me through it.

She went to the bathroom once and I kinda freaked out and kept asking for her to come back.

I remember all of it like I was sane but I was also in a child like state of mind.

There was another time where I called for my sister, she was in the bathroom and I just told her "don't do it" I kept saying that to her over and over again. I was like "I love you so much, this hurts so bad. I know babies are worth it but I don't want you to ever feel this, you can play with my baby, please don't do it."

Sounds awful huh

I meant well, it upset her though. She couldn't stand seeing me in pain and cried so hard she had to change her shirt. =(

I blame the medication.

It just kept getting worse, as contractions do.

At some point in all of this I had to pee SO bad and that made me cry because I couldn't get up. So they brought out a bed pan for me to pee in and they lifted me up and put it under me and I was so embarrassed and didn't want to do it. And everyone was comforting me but it was just awful. I did pee, and I did feel better and less than 5 minutes later I forgot all about it.

I started talking REALLY crazy through the contractions. All the small things that you think of or things in the back of your mind, started coming out. I was talking about chocolate candy balls, and something about airplanes and I would ask "WHYYYYYyyyy. Why does it hurt so bad. I know its a good thing, I know it helps the baby...ooooh. it hurts so bad" stuff like that over and over again.

It was super loco! 

They were really bad but I had a small break. They told me again that for real this time we were going to go for c-section soon because it wasn't getting better and the risk was only getting higher. 

So they offered me an epidural and I refused. I didn't want it. But I eventually told Andre we might as well while the doctor was down because they were going to have to do it when they sent me off for a c-section anyway. I was SO tired of them threatening me. It made me so nervous every single time and I was so scared for Luke. After the third time I told them ok. Im fine with it. I don't want to take anymore risks. I don't want my baby in harms way. I was so over the hurting that wasn't going anywhere and I was so tired of his heart not being strong enough.

Well things had progressed a little with the dilating and so my nurse wanted to wait. She believed we could make it. And I was fine with that. 

The pain was still really bad and eventually my midwife came in and asked me to look at her, she removed the rag that had been over my face for hours to make eye contact with me and she told me, look I just need your consent. Im going to do it anyway but you have to say yes. We are going to give you the epidural. Its going to relax you a little bit and make things better for the baby that way if we need to take you to surgery you will already be almost prepped and if not then you will relax for a while while things progress with the baby.

So we did it. I REALLY didn't want to.

Andre was out of the room and he was coming back from being somewhere with his mom while I explained what was about to happen. He supported me fully. 

I wanted some relief. I didnt know how I was going to sit up for them because the contractions were coming fast and strong. My midwife made me sit up and put my arms around her waist and squeeze super tight to get through the contraction. I didnt want to but she was very much like a mother and knew I wasn't squeezing her and she made me do it. It was SO extremely comforting to hug her through it. It's one of my fondest memories of that day. Her warmth and scent just helped me get through it. She was very motherly. God has really blessed that woman. She's so good at what she does.

I have never liked the idea of epidurals. The after effects, the risks, not being able to move, being numb...none of those things are for me. 

I had been miserable all day because I was SO uncomfortable in that bed. I wanted to just get up once SO bad. I believed down to my core that if they would have let me stand then Luke would've came down some more.

At some point before the epidural they thought my fluid on the inside was low from where my water broke so they wanted to put more inside to help Luke. so the inserted a tube and shot water inside. It was actually kinda refreshing. I think I remember feeling some of it drip outside of my body but Im not sure. I just know I could feel a difference.

Anyway, so the doctor did the epidural and it felt like a fingernail scratch. There was no pain but I did feel the shot he gave me. but like I said...nail scratch. so small. so surprising.

I felt him insert the medication the first time. It was very cool. and its super strange to feel a cold liquid go inside your spine. but almost immediately the contractions eased off. I started feeling like million bucks. Don't get me wrong, I was still in pain but it was SO much better.

I was more uncomfortable from being in the bed all day and not eating than anything and my body was sore. Every time I would have the awful contractions before they epidural I would tense up and my body was so exhausted from it. I tried hard not to fight the contractions because thats counter productive but you still get a little tense every time you have one. 

It didn't take long for my legs to go numb and I couldn't move my lower body at all.

I don't like that feeling at all. but I was able to relax. so with the iv I had a button I could push every 11 minutes to give myself more medication in the epidural. I didn't push it for hours. Despite the fact that I was holding onto the button...I forgot that they told me about it and just never thought about it. 

I started hurting again after I little while but it was so minor in comparison to what happened before that I just didnt even think about getting more medication. My mom remind me later and I started using it some. I was able to rest a little. I never fell into a deep sleep. I could hear what was going on around me but we did turn off the lights and everyone relaxed. It was super late at this point.

Andre got a little sleep but not much, and everyone else slept on and off too. I was SO hot so they brought me a fan but my family was freezing so I had them only blow the fan on me.

I started being extremely uncomfortable. medicine was wearing off and we were close to a baby. My back was hurting so bad because I wasn't positioned comfortably and I couldn't really move my heavy body at all. I had been on a fluid IV for about 20 hours and I was super swollen because of it. there was a struggle for a long time trying to get relief for my back. I just wanted to sit up and reposition but the nurse wasn't understand me or something and they kept just trying to reposition with pillows. It was awful and I was miserable. They didnt want me to sit up because sitting up would make Luke's heart rate act funny. Eventually I was fed up and I wanted relief so I did sit up with the bed and with help we repositioned my back and i laid back down and it was a million times better but I was still hurting and out of medication. I asked the nurse if I could get more and they brought someone special down to change the machine. It's locked when the epidural med is in. 

I think they don't normally give you more when you are as close to delivering as I was but they hadn't checked me in a while. So it was a blessing in disguise. It also made things a little bit tougher though.

I got more medication and about 10 minutes or so later my midwife came in to check me. She said we were going to do a practice push so she could check everything and make sure I knew what to do.

The wanted me to hold my legs up, all on my own so I could bare down and pull on them and push out the baby.

They were dead weight. Nothing was harder than trying to hold those legs up. They were at least three times their normal size from the fluids I had been pumped with and because of the epidural I couldn't lift them at ALL. It was SO hard. I had to have them lift them and hand them to me. 

She explained that I would take a deep breath and put my chin to my chest and push as hard as I could for 10 seconds take a quick breath and do the same thing 2 more times then they would give me a little break before we pushed again.

This was suppose to just happen once.

Well I did the practice push. My family was still asleep in the room. All except Andre and my mom.

Everything happened so fast after this. she was suppose to come back in 30 minutes to get started but she said it was time now! She told someone to push a button and get nurses in the room, she started putting on protective clothes and told someone else to turn on the lights, another nurse was telling everyone to get down to just the four people who were suppose to be in the room. The only extra person at this time was my mother in law and she was asleep because it was 4:30 and we didnt get a chance to was everyone. It all happened so fast. So they rudely woke her and my grandma and things got started.

I couldn't tell if I was doing what I was suppose to. It was SO hard. I had about 10 reps of pushing like I said before and my family encouraged me. The doctor shouted that she could see a LOT of dark hair and to just keep pushing. They gave me the breaks after pushing three times and that was much needed. It's like you run a marathon while you're pushing. It's such hard work. My eyes were closed and I didn't see much of what was happening, but it happened fast.

Holding my legs up was so hard and I couldn't tell what was happening down low so I tried everything I could think of. I tried to think of what it felt like when you strain when you poop, everything I could think of. I tried something different every single time and I apologized and said I wasn't sure if it was good but apparently it was and they kept telling me it was good but I didn't know.  How could all of it be good? But I didn't have time to think about it. At the  beginning of pushing I could feel a vein in my forehead above my eye and I felt like it was about to pop it hurt so bad and so that caused me to ease off and I wanted to try to do it a little differently. So I tried a few different things. And I told my mom to rub my forehead. lol

at the 10th push they didnt give me break. everyone stopped being nice and encouraging and started yelling "Push" and I didn't get a chance to break or breathe. It was time. My midwife went from being on the floor to basically standing on the bed. She used the suction cup on his head at the end and from what I've heard she propped one foot on the bed to leverage herself and with the next push she pulled with all her might! And he was out. Everyone was so happy. they put him on my tummy and it was SUCH a relief. I couldn't feel any pain during pushing but I did feel pressure of him down there and coming out. I felt the relief when he was out.

At 4:47am he entered the world. 

We weren't sure if daddy was going to cut the cord because he was grossed out by the idea and just didn't care about the tradition but he did. =)

This was the first time we got to check him out. Mommy and daddy looking at that beautiful little face.

Our first cuddles.

I couldn't believe it was over and he was out.

I couldn't really see him but I felt him. I asked a few times if I could pull him up but I never heard what they said. Andre told me later that they told me I could cuz he had a lot of cord.

The put a hat on him and I pulled him close to check him out. I hadn't cried throughout the pushing or anything but I prayed the most grateful prayer and had a tear or two. It was love at first sight. I was already in love with him but it was amazing to finally meet him. 

His cry was amazing. It was the cutest thing ever and so high piched. and I had waited so long to hear that cry. 

His eyes were open and he was very alert. He looked at me right away when I pulled him up to my face. 

They left him on my chest for about 15 minutes before taking him to clean him.

As soon as he came out it was important to me to get my mother in law back in the room.

I dont have a mother in law like most. She isn't a "monster-in-law" she is my second mother and a dear friend and I love her dearly. So she came in and sadly the doctors were cleaning me up so she probably saw more of my down under than she ever intended to but it was important to me for her to meet her grandbaby asap too. She had been there with me all day and suffered through the labor too. 

She had cried for me and prayed all day. And I needed every single prayer.

It was a very scary labor. But delivery was super easy in comparison.

After a little clean up they brought him back and he touched my face just like this when they handed him to me. 

It was important to get as much skin to skin as possible, I wanted to make sure breastfeeding would be established and go easy. After having my bottom out and not caring who saw it I was a little nervous about getting out my boobs haha. But he latched right away and that was amazing. We had some struggles later, mostly with milk production but lets save that for another day another post, so check for that later, but it was a success! He knew what to do and it was totally natural. 

Daddy finally got to hold him after about an hour exactly.

I plan to write about my postpartum next to continue the story because I had a LOT of surprises with that.

It took like three hours to write this so I will either edit and add more details later or just write a small excerpt to add to what I forgot, but this was the story about how my life changed and I met the most amazing gift I've ever received.

He has changed my world. 

Labor Story part 1

While I was pregnant, I studied everything...and I mean everything. I had many sleepless nights, between being nervous and just general body discomfort, I spent many hours on the internet reading blogs and articles on what to do to prepare for labor and delivery and what to expect. I knew that having a baby was no joke, it's life changing, dangerous, and all anyone can ever talk about is "it's the worst pain you will ever imagine, but its worth every bit and I'd do it again in a heartbeat"...hearing this has to definitely make you curious...and it did me.
Since I was pregnant I knew I had to come to terms with knowing that I was going to experience this. I wanted to be as prepared as possible.
My mother had 3 girls, all natural, and no pain meds. If she could do it, I could too. I've always had a high pain tolerance.
It wasn't my goal to not have any pain meds but if I was going to get anything I just wanted some IV meds to take the edge off. No epidural or anything serious like that.
There were a few things I knew I definitely wanted and a few I absolutely wanted. I went in with the mindset that things change and labor is very situational. I knew that there was a possibility that some things wouldn't go my way but I still had a plan.
My major goal was a water birth, or at the very least laboring in the water for as much as possible. I wanted to be able to walk around and I didn't want to deliver on my back. There is countless info on the internet with the benefits of water birthing and delivering in a squatting position or almost anything but laying down.
I did NOT want to be strapped to a bed, I did NOT want an epidural, Episiotomy was absolutely a no.
I wanted to tear naturally if that was going to happen or have a C-section, but absolutely did NOT want an episiotomy.

Well at my 40 week appointment, Luke still hadn't made an appearance. I was about 50% effaced and dilated 2cm. This was exciting news because you think well...in a few days I could have a baby. Things are changing, so I immediately started doing everything anyone ever tells you to do to naturally induce labor. I stayed up in the house standing a lot, cleaning and walking. I did some stretching like splits and squats, I had sex. We power walked at the park a few times, and because Andre worked at nights when he would get home we would go to Walmart and power walk around the store for an hour or two. We did this many nights in a row. I took lots of baths, but baths were one of the only things through out my entire pregnancy that relaxed me anyway.
I desperately tried a labor cocktail. My doctor assured me that 85% of her patients ALWAYS go into labor within 24 hours. It consisted of Apricot juice, peanut butter, a cup of champagne, and a little castor oil.
The labor cocktail story is quite a funny story all on it's own. I'll write a post about it and link it to this one later.
But none of these things worked.

My doctor didn't want me to go past 41 weeks because near the end of pregnancy the placenta starts to die and it won't nourish the baby anymore the way its suppose to, and also your baby grows a LOT more in those last few weeks. You don't want the baby to get too large or you will have more risks during delivery and possibly a c-section.

And in the last week of my pregnancy I got HUGE!! I could barely wear ANY clothes.
My feet were swollen for the entire 3rd trimester but they were SO bad that I couldn't wear flip flops or my bedroom shoes. I was just barefoot all the time. And I had 1 pair of sweats I could wear. I wore a lot of dresses, and it was perfect because I was in the third trimester during the summer and I could wear cute Maxi dresses. They were easy and not a lot of pressure on my body and most importantly COOL!

This was the day before I was induced. I was huge and that dress was a life savior.

So at the end of your pregnancy you start going to the doctor weekly and then twice a week, the doctor decided to give us up to 7 more days at our last appointment and gave us an option to pick what day we wanted to be induced if he didn't come on his own before then. So we chose exactly in the middle. 4 days later. September 24th. It was my original due date, they changed it early on from the 24th to the 20th but I always knew the 24th was closer to the correct date.
Every doctor chooses a different way to determine it. Some go off of the day you got pregnant, if you know, and some go from your last menstrual cycle. It's also very common for first baby's to go over the due date and just about everyone in my family's first baby came later. I came 2 days after my due date.
Anyway....talk about being crazy nervous for 4 days. I still really wanted him to come on his one of course and I had false labor many times (almost forgot about that)
The first night I had false labor it was in the middle of the night. I experienced braxton hicks for the entire third trimester, many times, every single day so I knew what those felt like. I started cramping badly and went to get in the bathtub because they tell you not to get nervous and to relax and don't go to the hospital til the contractions are close and blah blah...Well they stopped after about 45 minutes and they got as close as 5 minutes and they were the strongest contractions I had had during my entire pregnancy but nothing like the real thing *now I know.
I was super sweaty, and if you are sweating in the shower or bath, it's super uncomfortable. You just don't feel clean.
I went back to bed with the hopes to wake up in labor but nothing....false labor. This happened like three days in a row and I was fed up.
Every time this would happen I would get so excited thinking it was the beginning of the real thing, only to be disappointed. You feel like the baby is never going to come out. It was like the boy who cried wolf or something and I was so disappointed. I don't remember the specific details anymore of the false labor incidents, I intended to blog about them later.
I highly suggest documenting your pregnancy if its important to you, DURING your pregnancy. You have a lot more free time before baby than you will ever have after and you will NOT remember all those tiny details. Your brain takes in so much after the baby comes that tons of those memories, sadly, fade.
Anyway, the plan was to go to the hospital at 5:30 in the morning and they were going to put a pill inside that softens your cervix. If my cervix finished softening all the way the baby would work down more and we'd most likely be in business, to have a baby. We were going to try this pill and wait three hours and if it didn't work try again and then on the second time if nothing had changed we would begin pitocin.
I had heard and read many horror stories about pitocin and wanted to avoid it as much as possible! And even still and since I have experienced it first hand, I will tell you...you have to do what you have to do if it comes down to it BUT if you can avoid it...do. it's a crappy drug!
But the most important thing was having a healthy baby, healthy mommy, and then comfort with the labor and delivery.
Well....when we got to the hospital, the nurse informs me that the pill isn't a process the like to do in the morning or day time, they usually only do that during night times. She would like to just start pitocin and see how my body progressed with that.
Pitocin is a fast acting drug and makes the labor go quick where as the pill was a much more relaxed process.
This kinda irritated me because we would've chose a different time to go to the hospital if we had known any of this and the doctor had pretty much told us and prepared us for a different process, but we were there to have a baby and it was time...
that was the first thing that seemed to not go according to plan.
I informed the nurses that I would like a water birth and to at least labor in the water as much as possible and that an epidural wasn't an option, I didn't even want to sign the form.
I hate needles. I hate all the side effects I've heard, the only way I wanted an epidural was if it was necessary with an emergency c-section.
My nurse informed me that she just had people go ahead and sign the document incase an emergency c-section happens and just incase I change my mind (I knew I would not...).
That was no big deal to me, but what did kinda piss me off was the look the 2 nurses gave me when I said I wanted to avoid an epidural at all costs. I was open to other medications, I wanted to play it by ear. But epidurals just aren't my kinda thing.
They both looked at each other and kinda rolled their eyes and it was just a whole moment that was ridiculous. Everyone was acting like...you should get one and go ahead and let us prepare for it and it was super ridiculous.
I also know that lots of nurses don't like when someone comes in with a birth plan, they act like anyone that has one is guaranteed to have a c-section and its just a waste of time and makes their job harder.
Well like I said before, I did plenty of research so I wrote one out at home with lots of different options and scenarios and I talked about it with Andre.
We talked about it many times and early in the pregnancy too because I just wanted him to know...Look, during the end of my pregnancy and when in labor, I may just be fed up and so exhausted and I may resort to things I REALLY don't want, so remind me, and if I'm loopy...take charge for me. These are my wishes....
So I didn't go in the hospital with ridiculous demands, I just wanted to relax and try to keep myself distracted and I didn't want to be stuck in the bed at ANY cost!! I didn't take a birthing plan to the hospital at all.
I believe 100% that gravity helps work that baby down!!!

I just wanted more support from the nurses about my wish to not have an epidural and I didn't feel like they backed me on that. And I had only just got to the hospital as a nervous, first time, mother to be and things were already looking gloom.

However, I'm not complaining about the nurses...they were great. That whole thing just sucked.

Anyway, so after getting into my room I couldn't believe I was about to have a baby soon! My husband, mother, sister, grandmother, and aunt were there with us first thing in the morning.

The nurse got my IV set up and it hurt like a B word. It was one of the most uncomfortable things.
Her sticking me with the needle didn't hurt, it was all the plastic contraptions and tape that was stuck to my arm. It wasn't an iv on top of my hand, it kinds came out of my wrist...sucked big time.
I could not wait for the baby to be out so they could take that damn IV out of my arm!!!
Seems so small to some, probably...but I hated it!

Doesn't it look super uncomfortable? The tape prob made the whole thing so bad.

They wanted to bring me a breakfast and then start the pitocin.

Hospital food is alright..its not the best thing in the world and it's also not the worst. 

One of my favorite things about my stay at the hospital was that they brought me food. 

I needed it, but I think I wouldn't have had time to even think about food if I was left accountable for getting my own food.

I didn't eat much. The night before I was too anxious and I got NO sleep. My stomach was weird, I was nervous and anxious and excited. I took about a 4 hour nap the day before, woke up at 7pm and had to go to the hospital at 5:30 am.

This has always been a thing for me...my entire life. I've never had the "good nights sleep" before something happens. Even if it's not super serious, I'm always too anxious to sleep.

I didn't sleep before high school graduation, first day of college, any auditions I ever had, job interviews, other people's weddings....anything like this...I don't sleep.

I have a problem. lol

Moving on....

I take pain very well. I always dwell on it later. Having never experienced labor before I went in expecting it to be the worst thing ever. I figured it would be like the worst period cramps ever and those awful stomach pains you have when you have to go to the bathroom really bad, but much worse.

It was SO EXTREMELY important to me to remember what labor pains felt like because I really want to be able to describe it to someone else. Before baby, I feel like it's some kind of unwritten code that a woman never actually writes down or can tell you what labor pains really feel like. People just say "its so bad I can't remember, or the worst pains you've ever had, or unimaginable" and things like that. I was DETERMINED to be able to come out of this and explain it to someone. *I'm going to come back to this topic many times through out this story telling because I was very passionate about it. I decided that it must be so bad but "worth it" but noone wants to tell you because they don't want to scare you. Well I'm honest so if anyone ever asked, I was going to be ready.

I packed a sudoku book, had a few e books and movies on my phone, and took my computer in case I wanted to watch movies or Hulu on it. I also made index cards with affirmations (*I will probably write a post about this in the future too)

I wrote down my favorite bible verses and my wishes.

It was important to me to have a reminder for myself when I was in that serious pain stage to let me know that I could make it through. I mentally prepared myself for weeks, especially the last two. Just to make it through each contraction and know that every one brings you closer to baby and every single time a child is born a woman goes through this. For all of history. and there are SO many people in the world..not to give up..I could definitely do it. I'm strong. Other's have made it through the pain and I know I'm stronger than some of those people. And to not focus on all the negative because that makes it worse and remember this is very exciting and such an amazing gift. At the end of all the hard work I'm going to finally see my sweet baby's face.

I got myself very prepared for it.

Like I said before, I expected things to change and maybe not go according to my plan, but in the end...the only thing I got from it that I wanted was a healthy baby, mommy, and vaginal delivery. Just about every thing else went out the window.