So with my last post I wrote about all the preparations and the setup for sweet Luke's arrival and now I'm going to attempt to write my experience. It's difficult to remember everything because I was in labor for almost a full 24 hours and when you go through that much pain, you don't remember the small stuff.
I didn't sleep the night before at all, this is daddy when I woke him up to go to the hospital.
I took a nice bath before I woke him, made sure I had our bags packed and some snacks for darling hubby.
This was daddy before heading out to the hospital. He only had 2-3 hours of sleep and usually he is a super slow poke about getting ready and getting up but he pretty much got up right away.
Upon arriving at hospital my mother, sister, grandma, and aunt were there.
Below is Mom with us checking in. That belly was BIG.
Darling Grandma waiting to be a great grandma
Andre's eyes are closed but its as cute as it can be.
See...I could only wear bedroom shoes...and just barely.
(They do say Tootsie Roll, haha.)
It took forever...it was like we didn't have an appointment, and the girl misspelled my last we name on paperwork
so we had to wait for her to reprint before being sent upstairs.
All I ate before was some sausage from McDonald's, which I regretted later.
Not because it was McDee's but because I should have eaten more.
My nerves were shot though and my stomach was borderline upset.
This was the room and it only show about half of it. The hospital I delivered at is smaller than most but it has a few really nice delivery suites.
You can only have 4 people in the room with you so my aunt wasn't going to stay but the nurses were very lax and they allowed more people to be in before everything got serious. When it came down to baby time, they reinforced the 4 people only. And those people had to sign a form.
My family went outside to grab bags and get their breakfast and Andre and I prayed and I changed into the hospital gown.
This was when it got started and they started strapping me up.
Baby heart monitor, contraction monster, and blood pressure cuff that went off every 5 minutes.
So they assured my I wouldn't have to be strapped down the whole time but they had to see how baby would react to the pitocin.
Parent's selfie...waiting to become parents, and still happy.
I had to pee often and I was able to get up for a little while but every single time I had to unhook all the cords from the computer and push myself with the iv monitor to the bathroom. I was still modest this early on and I would struggle to hold all my cords and make sure the back of the gown wasn't opening to show my family my booty.
It was also a small thing that stressed me out. I hated the struggle of unplugging all the cords to go to the bathroom.
Anyway, we started pitocin and depending on how my body reacted they would slowly increase the amount every 15 minutes.
Contractions started very soon and they were very minor. They just felt like period cramps. Nothing too serious. My family would catch a glimpse of the computer and look at me, worried, because they looked intense....but boy they had no idea what was coming. haha
After a couple of hours, a nurse came in to explain what would go down when I got ready to push, how I would do it and who would be in the room and different risks...all the basics.
She also was closely monitoring my contractions because during contractions, your baby's heart rate slows down a little bit but after the contraction ends its suppose to go back to normal, and Luke's would take a while to come back up.
The first time they came in, I was absolutely terrified. I wasn't hurting very much. I was comfortable and I didn't think anything should be wrong with him, but it appeared to be different. My nurse ran in the room and jabbed me in the arm with a needle to make the contractions stop immediately because Luke wasn't reacting well, she told me she would be right back and she left. She was in the middle of doing a c-section for a girl and was worried we were going to be sent right behind them.
So they gave me oxygen and turned down the pitocin. It really upset me. She gave me the speech about us having to go have an emergency c-section if things didn't start happening the way they were suppose to with Luke. They didn't want too much distress on him because Labor is hard for mom and baby and the baby has to make it through delivery too!
After a while they turned back on the pitocin. And things went well.
A few times I know the nurse came in and turned it up and it hadn't been fifteen minutes.
I think this was a real problem.
Pitocin makes your body contract and I think they were pushing my body too hard. It seemed like they were in a real rush to get the baby out but at the same time, these were the people who told me in birthing classes that labor takes a long time with first babies and sometimes you just have to be patient.
I was prepared to be patient and I didn't feel like they were.
So with my oxygen mask on, I laid down and cried a little bit. It was all quite stressful.
Little did I know, I was going to be crying on and off all day. My emotions really got the better of me.
I really didn't like the oxygen mask, I felt like it was keeping me from breathing and not helping.
For a while they kept trying to get me to lay own my sides too, thinking that would help move baby down and also he was showing signs on the monitor that he didn't like something so they were trying to help.
I was super uncomfortable and just wanted to get up SO bad.
took a moment to make daddy smile with me, trying to be positive.
They made me flip over because nothing was changing with his heart rate. and this is Andre singing to my bottom. Luke always responded to Andre's voice and he loved when he would sing so we were trying to sing him down, plus my lower back was hurting pretty bad so he was putting a little pressure on it for me.
I was SOOOO thirsty and they wouldn't let me drink, they let me slowly sip on ice water. That sucked.
I had music playing over speakers for a while but I got irritated so eventually I put in headphones and the only thing that felt comfortable was to have a wet rag on my face so I looked like this for a while.
While I was pregnant I read that if you take two tennis balls and tie them close together in panty hose, its an effective way to massage your back during labor or then end of pregnancy and you can also squeeze them. In the last few weeks, Andre did rub them on my lower back and it was good. I didn't use those for that purpose while in labor I just held onto them forever. I needed Andre on my back, the rag on my face and to hold onto those tennis balls!!
Idk what it did, but it helped...and hey, whatever works for you! DO.
I guess at this point I was starting to feel bad. My mom was rubbing my back and below Im not sure what was up but I look like he said something really dumb to me.
There's a super lapse in my photos because the pain started soon and it was intense.
I still hadn't dilated much nor had my effacement changed, it was going slow and Luke's heart was still acting funny.
So they decided it would be more accurate to do an internal monitor for Luke. They had to break my water for it. They inserted a probe that had a tiny needle that would sit right on top of his head in his scalp and accurately monitor his heart rate and they wanted an internal contraction monitor too. That one had to go inside and over his head and onto his chest. They couldn't get it in for a while because my water just seeped when they first broke it. They couldn't get it broken very well.
After a couple of tries and times where they checked me, the water finally broke for good. I just felt a LOT of water gush out.
I was able to take off the crappy monitors that were on my belly at this point and all I had to deal with now was the blood pressure cord. I think I went to the bathroom once or twice with the probes inside and between walking back and forth it came out once and had to be reinserted. It wasn't a big deal at all and I didn't feel them break my water or the probe going inside either.
I was starting to swell up a lot everywhere from being hooked up to the fluids and I'm not sure when exactly but I was threatened 5 different times to be prepped for emergency c section.
I wanted a vaginal birth but I never argued with them.
My nurse was very determined to get me the birth i wanted. She slowed down the medicine a few times and helped readjust my body to make the baby happy. And it seemed like the midwife would have sent me off to c-section but the nurse convinced her to wait one more hour....and then a little bit of progress would have occurred, wether is was Luke's heart was fine for an hour, or I dilated a little bit more, or I effaced more..she just kept giving me one more hour, one more hour.
They told me that if nothing changed then at 11pm we would turn off pitocin, give me something to sleep, and just start again in the morning.
I couldn't get up anymore because the contractions started being SO bad. The pitocin made my contractions as strong as they should be if I were at a nine or ten to push...but I wasn't so it was very distressing on me and Luke.
I kinda forgot that I had the option to take medications and I started hurting really bad.
I remember feeling the contractions start out and they would build and be SO strong and linger for a second and hurt so bad and then they would start going away but even when it went away or back down they still hurt bad, just not as bad as they did when they peaked.
It was very good for me to just live in the moment...as it was building I just thought about it going away and me getting a few minutes to breath and then when I wasn't having one I just relaxed.
It was so hard. I was contracting fast and it wasn't time for me to be contracting like that.
After a while they offered me a medication that would take the edge off, I'd still hurt but it wouldn't be as bad and I would be able to sleep a little with it.
My mom told me I shouldn't get it but it was one of the minor ones so we went with it anyway.
This medication is the reason why I can't remember everything perfectly. It made me SO loopy.
I remember everything but it was like I was dazed or in a dream. I've never been high, but I'm pretty sure what I was feeling is probably what it feels like.
Another thing that helped me get through the pain was talking out loud or talking through the contractions. I never expected to yell or anything and I didnt...usually if I'm in pain I'm quiet, but I kinda moaned through them. I was say "ohhhhhhh...its..here...it hurts so bad" and I wouldn't take breath or a break I'd kinda sing it. As they got stronger and started hurting more I kinda remember whimpering and whining.
I never cursed and I was so worried that I would. haha
I prayed a lot.
My family was rubbing my arms and back and legs and I didnt think I would want to be touched but it was SO comforting to have them doing it. If someone stopped I immediately noticed.
My aunt watched the monitor and remind me to breath when contractions would come on and I wouldn't. I was quite stubborn, but the singing thing is what worked for me. I took a deep breathe before and after. but even still I needed for her to talk to me and encourage me through it.
She went to the bathroom once and I kinda freaked out and kept asking for her to come back.
I remember all of it like I was sane but I was also in a child like state of mind.
There was another time where I called for my sister, she was in the bathroom and I just told her "don't do it" I kept saying that to her over and over again. I was like "I love you so much, this hurts so bad. I know babies are worth it but I don't want you to ever feel this, you can play with my baby, please don't do it."
Sounds awful huh
I meant well, it upset her though. She couldn't stand seeing me in pain and cried so hard she had to change her shirt. =(
I blame the medication.
It just kept getting worse, as contractions do.
At some point in all of this I had to pee SO bad and that made me cry because I couldn't get up. So they brought out a bed pan for me to pee in and they lifted me up and put it under me and I was so embarrassed and didn't want to do it. And everyone was comforting me but it was just awful. I did pee, and I did feel better and less than 5 minutes later I forgot all about it.
I started talking REALLY crazy through the contractions. All the small things that you think of or things in the back of your mind, started coming out. I was talking about chocolate candy balls, and something about airplanes and I would ask "WHYYYYYyyyy. Why does it hurt so bad. I know its a good thing, I know it helps the baby...ooooh. it hurts so bad" stuff like that over and over again.
It was super loco!
They were really bad but I had a small break. They told me again that for real this time we were going to go for c-section soon because it wasn't getting better and the risk was only getting higher.
So they offered me an epidural and I refused. I didn't want it. But I eventually told Andre we might as well while the doctor was down because they were going to have to do it when they sent me off for a c-section anyway. I was SO tired of them threatening me. It made me so nervous every single time and I was so scared for Luke. After the third time I told them ok. Im fine with it. I don't want to take anymore risks. I don't want my baby in harms way. I was so over the hurting that wasn't going anywhere and I was so tired of his heart not being strong enough.
Well things had progressed a little with the dilating and so my nurse wanted to wait. She believed we could make it. And I was fine with that.
The pain was still really bad and eventually my midwife came in and asked me to look at her, she removed the rag that had been over my face for hours to make eye contact with me and she told me, look I just need your consent. Im going to do it anyway but you have to say yes. We are going to give you the epidural. Its going to relax you a little bit and make things better for the baby that way if we need to take you to surgery you will already be almost prepped and if not then you will relax for a while while things progress with the baby.
So we did it. I REALLY didn't want to.
Andre was out of the room and he was coming back from being somewhere with his mom while I explained what was about to happen. He supported me fully.
I wanted some relief. I didnt know how I was going to sit up for them because the contractions were coming fast and strong. My midwife made me sit up and put my arms around her waist and squeeze super tight to get through the contraction. I didnt want to but she was very much like a mother and knew I wasn't squeezing her and she made me do it. It was SO extremely comforting to hug her through it. It's one of my fondest memories of that day. Her warmth and scent just helped me get through it. She was very motherly. God has really blessed that woman. She's so good at what she does.
I have never liked the idea of epidurals. The after effects, the risks, not being able to move, being numb...none of those things are for me.
I had been miserable all day because I was SO uncomfortable in that bed. I wanted to just get up once SO bad. I believed down to my core that if they would have let me stand then Luke would've came down some more.
At some point before the epidural they thought my fluid on the inside was low from where my water broke so they wanted to put more inside to help Luke. so the inserted a tube and shot water inside. It was actually kinda refreshing. I think I remember feeling some of it drip outside of my body but Im not sure. I just know I could feel a difference.
Anyway, so the doctor did the epidural and it felt like a fingernail scratch. There was no pain but I did feel the shot he gave me. but like I said...nail scratch. so small. so surprising.
I felt him insert the medication the first time. It was very cool. and its super strange to feel a cold liquid go inside your spine. but almost immediately the contractions eased off. I started feeling like million bucks. Don't get me wrong, I was still in pain but it was SO much better.
I was more uncomfortable from being in the bed all day and not eating than anything and my body was sore. Every time I would have the awful contractions before they epidural I would tense up and my body was so exhausted from it. I tried hard not to fight the contractions because thats counter productive but you still get a little tense every time you have one.
It didn't take long for my legs to go numb and I couldn't move my lower body at all.
I don't like that feeling at all. but I was able to relax. so with the iv I had a button I could push every 11 minutes to give myself more medication in the epidural. I didn't push it for hours. Despite the fact that I was holding onto the button...I forgot that they told me about it and just never thought about it.
I started hurting again after I little while but it was so minor in comparison to what happened before that I just didnt even think about getting more medication. My mom remind me later and I started using it some. I was able to rest a little. I never fell into a deep sleep. I could hear what was going on around me but we did turn off the lights and everyone relaxed. It was super late at this point.
Andre got a little sleep but not much, and everyone else slept on and off too. I was SO hot so they brought me a fan but my family was freezing so I had them only blow the fan on me.
I started being extremely uncomfortable. medicine was wearing off and we were close to a baby. My back was hurting so bad because I wasn't positioned comfortably and I couldn't really move my heavy body at all. I had been on a fluid IV for about 20 hours and I was super swollen because of it. there was a struggle for a long time trying to get relief for my back. I just wanted to sit up and reposition but the nurse wasn't understand me or something and they kept just trying to reposition with pillows. It was awful and I was miserable. They didnt want me to sit up because sitting up would make Luke's heart rate act funny. Eventually I was fed up and I wanted relief so I did sit up with the bed and with help we repositioned my back and i laid back down and it was a million times better but I was still hurting and out of medication. I asked the nurse if I could get more and they brought someone special down to change the machine. It's locked when the epidural med is in.
I think they don't normally give you more when you are as close to delivering as I was but they hadn't checked me in a while. So it was a blessing in disguise. It also made things a little bit tougher though.
I got more medication and about 10 minutes or so later my midwife came in to check me. She said we were going to do a practice push so she could check everything and make sure I knew what to do.
The wanted me to hold my legs up, all on my own so I could bare down and pull on them and push out the baby.
They were dead weight. Nothing was harder than trying to hold those legs up. They were at least three times their normal size from the fluids I had been pumped with and because of the epidural I couldn't lift them at ALL. It was SO hard. I had to have them lift them and hand them to me.
She explained that I would take a deep breath and put my chin to my chest and push as hard as I could for 10 seconds take a quick breath and do the same thing 2 more times then they would give me a little break before we pushed again.
This was suppose to just happen once.
Well I did the practice push. My family was still asleep in the room. All except Andre and my mom.
Everything happened so fast after this. she was suppose to come back in 30 minutes to get started but she said it was time now! She told someone to push a button and get nurses in the room, she started putting on protective clothes and told someone else to turn on the lights, another nurse was telling everyone to get down to just the four people who were suppose to be in the room. The only extra person at this time was my mother in law and she was asleep because it was 4:30 and we didnt get a chance to was everyone. It all happened so fast. So they rudely woke her and my grandma and things got started.
I couldn't tell if I was doing what I was suppose to. It was SO hard. I had about 10 reps of pushing like I said before and my family encouraged me. The doctor shouted that she could see a LOT of dark hair and to just keep pushing. They gave me the breaks after pushing three times and that was much needed. It's like you run a marathon while you're pushing. It's such hard work. My eyes were closed and I didn't see much of what was happening, but it happened fast.
Holding my legs up was so hard and I couldn't tell what was happening down low so I tried everything I could think of. I tried to think of what it felt like when you strain when you poop, everything I could think of. I tried something different every single time and I apologized and said I wasn't sure if it was good but apparently it was and they kept telling me it was good but I didn't know. How could all of it be good? But I didn't have time to think about it. At the beginning of pushing I could feel a vein in my forehead above my eye and I felt like it was about to pop it hurt so bad and so that caused me to ease off and I wanted to try to do it a little differently. So I tried a few different things. And I told my mom to rub my forehead. lol
at the 10th push they didnt give me break. everyone stopped being nice and encouraging and started yelling "Push" and I didn't get a chance to break or breathe. It was time. My midwife went from being on the floor to basically standing on the bed. She used the suction cup on his head at the end and from what I've heard she propped one foot on the bed to leverage herself and with the next push she pulled with all her might! And he was out. Everyone was so happy. they put him on my tummy and it was SUCH a relief. I couldn't feel any pain during pushing but I did feel pressure of him down there and coming out. I felt the relief when he was out.
At 4:47am he entered the world.
We weren't sure if daddy was going to cut the cord because he was grossed out by the idea and just didn't care about the tradition but he did. =)
This was the first time we got to check him out. Mommy and daddy looking at that beautiful little face.
Our first cuddles.
I couldn't believe it was over and he was out.
I couldn't really see him but I felt him. I asked a few times if I could pull him up but I never heard what they said. Andre told me later that they told me I could cuz he had a lot of cord.
The put a hat on him and I pulled him close to check him out. I hadn't cried throughout the pushing or anything but I prayed the most grateful prayer and had a tear or two. It was love at first sight. I was already in love with him but it was amazing to finally meet him.
His cry was amazing. It was the cutest thing ever and so high piched. and I had waited so long to hear that cry.
His eyes were open and he was very alert. He looked at me right away when I pulled him up to my face.
They left him on my chest for about 15 minutes before taking him to clean him.
As soon as he came out it was important to me to get my mother in law back in the room.
I dont have a mother in law like most. She isn't a "monster-in-law" she is my second mother and a dear friend and I love her dearly. So she came in and sadly the doctors were cleaning me up so she probably saw more of my down under than she ever intended to but it was important to me for her to meet her grandbaby asap too. She had been there with me all day and suffered through the labor too.
She had cried for me and prayed all day. And I needed every single prayer.
It was a very scary labor. But delivery was super easy in comparison.
After a little clean up they brought him back and he touched my face just like this when they handed him to me.
It was important to get as much skin to skin as possible, I wanted to make sure breastfeeding would be established and go easy. After having my bottom out and not caring who saw it I was a little nervous about getting out my boobs haha. But he latched right away and that was amazing. We had some struggles later, mostly with milk production but lets save that for another day another post, so check for that later, but it was a success! He knew what to do and it was totally natural.
Daddy finally got to hold him after about an hour exactly.
I plan to write about my postpartum next to continue the story because I had a LOT of surprises with that.
It took like three hours to write this so I will either edit and add more details later or just write a small excerpt to add to what I forgot, but this was the story about how my life changed and I met the most amazing gift I've ever received.
He has changed my world.
